Hindsight is 20/20

What I’ve learned about myself is that I learn and see things in layers. Like my understanding of a situation may be deeper a week from now, than it is today.. and so on and so on.

I’ve been getting more and more clarity about a recent breakup. In fact, it was the breakup of a relationship that earlier on, I thought would have ended in marriage!. Over time I realized some things. He was not quite as mature as I thought he was.. Not as hardworking as I thought he was.. in fact had very little drive or “grind” as they say. His dreams were just that, dreams. Almost wishes about future fantasies with no real plans, goals or timelines. No plan as to how he would achieve them. He was not self sufficient and independent as I had originally thought. No real transferable skills that he could use successfully in the Canadian workplace. A lot of cultural differences that did not seem to be much of an issue earlier on, but I later realized if we had had children, there would have been a lot of conflict.

Part of the reason I think things took so long for me to see, was because it was a long distance relationship and we initially met online (we did meet up in person eventually). But what I really learned was there are so many things you learn about a person you’re dating by doing so many little things.. things other than telling the person about yourself. Trips to the grocery store, to the mall, walks to the park, travelling together, going to events together and especially, spending time with each other’s friends and family. And dating!. Also there were certain conversations I did not want to have over the phone. Sometimes you want to be in the person’s presence to hear their tone of voice, see the level of eye contact, read their body language and feel their energy. I’m really sensitive to people’s energy and it tells me so much about a person. Tells me things that they’re not saying.

I’m pretty sure, had we been in the same city and seeing each other on a regular basis I would have come to a lot of realizations much earlier on. But I can honestly say I have no regrets! I learned a lot about myself and relationships. If I ever get into another relationship (I’m seriously debating staying single forever.. but not because of this relationship) I will definitely have a greater appreciation for a lot of little things in a relationship that I previously took for granted.

I wish him the best and even pray for him occasionally. I must admit I’m very relieved that I gained more objectivity and clarity in the end. Dodged a proverbial bullet!

I think the important thing is to learn something from any situation you’re faced with and that’s what I’ve done😊

Peace & Blessings,

Emelle Q

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