Well it’s the last day of the year! Tomorrow is a time for new beginnings! I’m a fan of starting things on the first of the week, month etc. So being able to put some new things in place (and continue some old things) on the first of the year is big to me.
I’m definitely focussing a lot on positivity this year. Making sure that I keep a positive mindset and that I surround myself with positive, warm, loving, encouraging and supportive people. Making sure I remain positive is key because that affects how I see the world and operate in it. It affects how I experience things and the decisions that I make.
Since the beginning of 2017 I recognized that the first chapter of my life was ending and a new one was beginning. One where I would not be struggling with the same kind of pain as in the past. That has totally proven to be true. I have a new relationship with God and I have never truly put Him at the centre of my life as I am now. That has led to a lot of positive and even miraculous changes in my life. Some of which I will speak more about in the future 🙂
More reading, watching informative videos and soaking up knowledge are some things I want to focus on. Exercising consistently and paying better attention to my diet. One of my goals is to not drink any pop for all of 2018. For those of you who know me, you know that this is an addiction of mine so it will take a lot of determination and focus. Making time each morning (very early each morning!) to have time with God in prayer has definitely proven to be a very positive and powerful thing in my life and I plan to continue doing that. Also just to continue to love and give freely. That is a huge part of who I am, but a part that I’ve often felt I needed to hold back on because of the state of the world.. being taken advantage of etc. Someone told me that in that area we really need to rely on God to direct us. I will do that.
So I hope whoever is reading this has a wonderful 2018! That you make some positive changes and keep that forward momentum going. That you forgive yourself for the goals you may not have attained in 2017. I hope you have learned some lessons throughout the year. I hope your year is filled with love, hope, faith, happiness, joy, good health and fun. Be kind to one another. Love one another. You never know what load someone else might be carrying and how much a kind word or warm smile might greatly impact them. Smiles cost you nothing.
All the best in 2018!!
I do a lot of things to stay balanced and well. So I place a lot of importance on my inner circle. These are close family members and friends. I believe that friends are the family we choose, so everyone in my inner circle I consider family, even if we are not biologically related. Everyone in my inner circle has proven to be incredibly loyal and they’ve stuck by me through the good and the bad. The highs and the lows. Seeing as I have bipolar disorder, there have definitely been a lot of highs and lows.
One thing that has been amazing and moving from my inner circle, was from 3 very special ladies. My mum (aka my best friend) and her two sisters. I while ago I heard this concept of people holding hope for other people, until hey could hold it themselves. There was a time when I was severely unwell with bipolar disorder. I couldn’t function, was almost non-verbal (which is shocking if you know me), I was unable to work, go to school or do much of anything. I felt horrible about my inability to function and participate in the world. I didn’t think I would ever work, be a contributing member of society, or be independent again. These 3 ladies gave me very consistent messaging to the contrary. Each of them told me repeatedly, in their own way, that I’m not well right now and I’m recovering… But once I’m well I will be successful and there would be no stoping me. I didn’t believe them at the time, but at the same time I respected the fact that they were all very intelligent women and maybe they knew something that I didn’t. Maybe they could see something in me that I couldn’t. They turned out to be absolutely right.
Do you have people in your life that hold hope for you when you can’t hold it yourself? People that believe in you even when you don’t believe in yourself? Hold onto those people. I recently held a thank you dinner for those 3 lovely ladies to thank them for all of their love, encouragement and support. They were so very appreciative. So many times we think lovely things about people but we don’t tell them. I’ve been making an effort to tell people how I feel about them.
Hold hope for someone.
Peace & Blessings,
I know I’m on my path. That path that aligns with my destiny. How do I know I’m on my path? Synchronicity. Everything is just clicking into place. I’m meeting the people I need to propel me further along on my journey. So many “coincidences” keep happening… and I don’t believe there are coincidences. Someone will recommend a book that really resonates with. I’ll be in search for something.. like a photographer, and my friend will start talking about a great photographer she knows out of the blue. I was talking about different definitions of success with my friend. I go home, check Facebook, and there’s a quote that encapsulates exactly what we were speaking about… things like that.
I’m also being reminded about the importance of maintaining my energy. I find I’m being exposed to people and situations that could potentially drain my energy. I have to be mindful of this and make sure I’m taking time for myself to replenish my energy. Which is ok, I just have to make sure I recognize this.
There are so many people around me that already have successful businesses that have been sharing their knowledge with me. Such useful information. Mistakes I don’t have to make.
This process has been incredibly humbling and illuminating. There’s so much more I have to learn but this does not overwhelm me. It excites me.
I have a feeling where I end up with my business will look much different from how I started out. And that’s ok.
One way I have been able to recognize when I am on my path.. there’s a certain amount of resistance. Road blocks that could potentially deter me. The success is so much sweeter when it doesn’t come easily. When you’ve had to overcome obstacles to get there.
A friend of mine said “take the first step. Only then will the second step appear”. I really believe that to be true. Sometimes Im stuck on wanting to see all of the steps in the puzzle, but you have to have faith that it will all come together in the end. It’s all about that one step at a time. That’s all you can do. Even if you know the next 20 steps, you still have to take them one at a time.
I hope you will pursue your dreams and reach for your destiny. Go ahead. Take a step!
Peace Love & Dreams Actualized
For a long time when I struggled with severe mental illness, I felt like I was 10 steps behind other people that didn’t have the same challenges as me. I spent years unable to function, completely isolated from people, socially anxious, in and out of episodes and hospitals, and struggling with negativity and self-hate. I was unable to work for a number of years and had no career like most other people my age. People were in long term relationships, getting married and having children and had years of working in their careers under their belt… me zero. Their lives seemed to be amazing from the outside looking in and I was genuinely happy for them. But it also depressed me that I was not thriving, happy or successful. My life seemed to be a mess. I felt trapped in the aftermath of mental illness.
What I didn’t appreciate or give myself credit for, is that during this time (and 10 years in therapy), I was working on me. Combing through some serious issue surrounding trauma, mental illness and self-hate. I realize now that it was a blessing that I had the space, time and support to deal with those things. Volunteered, went back to school and slowly started to reclaim my life. I got pieces of myself back bit by bit and found new strength that I never knew existed!
It’s cliché, but I am so much stronger as a result of everything I’ve fought my way back from. I have a career that I’m proud of working in the mental health field. I’m good at it and proud of it. I get to help people everyday which has been something Ive always loved doing. It was instilled in me by my grandmother who was a nurse. I’m proud to be able to honour her in that way.
I had a full circle moment yesterday. I went to a studio for a photoshoot. My first one in almost 20 years. The pictures will be used for my website and promotional materials.. for my business! maiLIFE! It’s been an idea I’ve had in my head for so long and now it’s real! maiLIFE is a word I created when I was unwell and now other people are making reference to it. Using it. It’s a real thing! They’re excited to hear what it’s all about. Here I was standing chatting with a group of black business owners.. and it hit me! These are my peers! I too am a black business owner.
It’s so interesting because so many of my friends and the people around me are where I am now. Starting their own business (or having recently started them). They’re at the same stage I am.
I no longer feel like I’m 10 steps behind because I’m not. I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. A 9-5 that I love. Creating a business that I love. Love from amazing friends and family. Self-love like I’ve never known before. Life is amazing. So blessed and incredibly grateful.
Peace Love & Dreams Actualized
What an amazing place to be! To walk through life filled with self-love is a phenomenal and awesome place to be.
I’ve struggled with self-hate for almost 30 years. Almost 30 years with this horrible and sometimes nasty negative voice inside my head criticizing everything I do.. everything that I am. Telling me why I would never and could never accomplish the things I wanted to achieve. I tried to be good at things so I would like myself (track, music, art, university, being a good friend)but I hated myself even more.
The self hate stemmed from having been a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I internalized things my abuser had told me. I didn’t remember the things he told me to make me believe it was my fault.. until recently. His words became my own words in my head. Tremendous guilt, shame and self-hate because I believed it was my fault. It’s like I had been given poison by my abusers. Even though they were no longer in my life, I continued to drink the poison. Filled with toxic, painful and destructive thoughts/feelings. I felt like my soul was tormented.
After years of work and a decade of therapy I truly love myself! It feels so much lighter navigating through life without carrying 200 extra lbs of emotional baggage. I’m free from the persistent and nagging negative thoughts that used to cling to me like an unwanted intruder.
Thoughts are incredibly powerful and just because you have a thought in your head about yourself, does not necessarily make it true! Be aware of your thoughts because they affect how you experience life.
I made the decision 20 years ago that I would make pursuing self-love my mission.. my passion. A very long time but well worth it! I feel like the first chapter of my life has closed and now the new chapter has begun. I’m so excited to see what life has in store for me.
If you’re in a place where you don’t love yourself. Acknowledge it. Fight to change it. You truly are worth it. You’re worth fighting for. It will change your life!
Peace Love & Dreams Actualized