Free

I feel so free! The reason for this is due to changes in my work life and a relationship.

Finally I have a good combination and balance between my job and business. However long it takes for me to be in a position to leave my day job and focus on my business full time.. I’m ok with that.

I feel like life is all about becoming your best self so that you can have a positive impact on the world. I’m proud of myself because that’s definitely what I’ve tried to do. I help people everyday in my day job and I will help even more with my business as a life coach.

I’m feeling so proud of myself as I approach my 40th bday. For a long time I felt like I was far behind people that didn’t struggle with mental illness. Other friends had careers and marriages and I always felt like I was lagging behind. As I wrote my bio for my business I realize I’ve been working in the field of mental health for over 10 years! Where has the time gone? I have a career!

I mentioned feeling free in the beginning. A reason for that is I was recently engaged and decided to end that relationship. I just realized I was making far too many sacrifices and it would eventually have smothered me. What’s worse is that I was allowing myself to be smothered and was preparing myself to ignore all of my dreams to let him shine. Well I’m super grateful I realized all of this when I did as opposed to 10 years into the marriage! so proud of myself for choosing me. This is my time to shine!

Get people and things that are not contributing to your greater good out of your life. Make whatever changes you need to make so that you can shine. Don’t let anyone dim your light.

Have a lovely week,

Emelle Q

Advertisements

Full Circle Moments

So here’s the backstory. Over 15+ years ago I worked at a call centre and one of their campaigns was to enrol people for a travel rewards Visa card for a well known bank. I was a student at the time and would always say to myself “one day I’m going to have a travel rewards card like this, and I’m going to be in a place where I’m in a financial position to do some travelling. After I left that job I never thought about the travel rewards card again.

Fast forward 15+ years. I’m now a personal and business client with the very bank whose call centre I worked for. Not only that, the other day they offered to upgrade me to the very travel rewards visa card I used to try to enrol people with!

Then I remembered that I’m in the position that I used to dream about. I wanted to have a career…check… have my own business… check… be in a position to be able to travel…. check (went to Nigeria earlier this year)…. I love myself and I’m happy… check!

I think I’m doing pretty well if I do say so myself.

Have a wonderful New Year!

Many blessings,

Emelle Q

An Interesting Experience in the Psychiatric Ward

During my last 3 week stay in the inpatient mental health ward, I had a very interesting experience.  It was terrifying in the beginning and heart warming by the end.  I was terrified and then I laughed hysterically. And no that wasn’t a part of my mood disorder 🙂

I was walking with my cane at the time, when I came across another patient. A Jamaican woman in her 60s, Miss P.  She was a calm and helpful person from what I’d seen but my cane seemed to trigger her.  I won’t write everything that she said because some of it was foul, but the gist was “move your **** from me! Nuh come back here or I will take your blood**** cane and smash you head in, and splatter your brain pon di blood**** walls.”

I was like what the heck? People usually like me!  I couldn’t understand why this woman had such a strong hatred for me and we’d never met.  I told the staff because I was convinced I would be murdered in my sleep!! I think the staff thought I was paranoid and delusional. They never witnessed the behaviour I described.  They simply said “she’s harmless, she’s never hurt anyone.” Ummmmm that’s not helping me very much.  You could have at least tried to seem concerned.

This kept happening so I would always lower my eyes to the floor so I wouldn’t be making eye contact with her when she started to rant.  I didn’t want her to think I was confronting her.  I would always turn and move in a different direction.  This was very scary for me because I honestly believed she would attack me if she had the chance.

Then one day the same woman, Miss P, came right up to me with a big warm smile on her face apologizing to me for threatening me.  She said she has a daughter who looks like me and has a cane like me.  At the time she was threatening me she believed that I was her daughter and she thought I was there trying to break her out of the “prison” (the psychiatric ward).  She said those things to me because she was trying to scare me (her daughter) away so she wouldn’t  get in trouble for trying to break her mother out of the hospital. She apologized profusely every time she saw me and then we would just laugh! Wow, what a turn of events.

The icing on the cake.  Miss P came to me and said her daughter was there and I had to meet her.  I met her son and daughter and we both basically said “she is real!!”. Like the Christmas M&M’s commercial when the see Santa Clause and realized he is real. Up until then, neither one of us knew if the other existed.  We were about the same height, same age, both had similar hair and both had canes!  We laughed so hard as Miss P said “I told you so” and she was beaming.

Miss P had so much respect from the staff and patients.  She would give me extra desserts and juice.  She would offer to let me go to the front of the line for food.  We built a nice friendship and we had some wonderful conversations.  I was even able to de-escalte a situation between her and the staff which stopped them from calling security on her and forcibly giving her an injection. Even though I was unwell I was easily able to recall my training. She was a mother figure to me during my stay.  Warm, loving, caring and funny.  Just imagine how the relationship began.

Inside of every person with mental illness there is a person in there. They are a person first.  I always make sure I remember that.  That’s why I’ve had so much success working in mental health.  I believe they are the same as me.  Not because my mental illness, but because we are all human.

Peace Love and Understanding,

Emelle Q

Hold Hope

I do a lot of things to stay balanced and well. So I place a lot of importance on my inner circle. These are close family members and friends. I believe that friends are the family we choose, so everyone in my inner circle I consider family, even if we are not biologically related. Everyone in my inner circle has proven to be incredibly loyal and they’ve stuck by me through the good and the bad. The highs and the lows. Seeing as I have bipolar disorder, there have definitely been a lot of highs and lows.

One thing that has been amazing and moving from my inner circle, was from 3 very special ladies. My mum (aka my best friend) and her two sisters. I while ago I heard this concept of people holding hope for other people, until hey could hold it themselves. There was a time when I was severely unwell with bipolar disorder. I couldn’t function, was almost non-verbal (which is shocking if you know me), I was unable to work, go to school or do much of anything. I felt horrible about my inability to function and participate in the world. I didn’t think I would ever work, be a contributing member of society, or be independent again. These 3 ladies gave me very consistent messaging to the contrary. Each of them told me repeatedly, in their own way, that I’m not well right now and I’m recovering… But once I’m well I will be successful and there would be no stoping me. I didn’t believe them at the time, but at the same time I respected the fact that they were all very intelligent women and maybe they knew something that I didn’t. Maybe they could see something in me that I couldn’t. They turned out to be absolutely right.

Do you have people in your life that hold hope for you when you can’t hold it yourself? People that believe in you even when you don’t believe in yourself? Hold onto those people. I recently held a thank you dinner for those 3 lovely ladies to thank them for all of their love, encouragement and support. They were so very appreciative. So many times we think lovely things about people but we don’t tell them. I’ve been making an effort to tell people how I feel about them.

Hold hope for someone.

Peace & Blessings,

Emelle Q

Path to My Destiny

I know I’m on my path. That path that aligns with my destiny. How do I know I’m on my path? Synchronicity. Everything is just clicking into place. I’m meeting the people I need to propel me further along on my journey. So many “coincidences” keep happening… and I don’t believe there are coincidences. Someone will recommend a book that really resonates with.  I’ll be in search for something.. like a photographer, and my friend will start talking about a great photographer she knows out of the blue. I was talking about different definitions of success with my friend. I go home, check Facebook, and there’s a quote that encapsulates exactly what we were speaking about… things like that. 

I’m also being reminded about the importance of maintaining my energy. I find I’m being exposed to people and situations that could potentially drain my energy. I have to be mindful of this and make sure I’m taking time for myself to replenish my energy. Which is ok, I just have to make sure I recognize this. 

There are so many people around me that already have successful businesses that have been sharing their knowledge with me. Such useful information. Mistakes I don’t have to make. 

This process has been incredibly humbling and illuminating. There’s so much more I have to learn but this does not overwhelm me. It excites me. 

I have a feeling where I end up with my business will look much different from how I started out. And that’s ok. 

One way I have been able to recognize when I am on my path.. there’s a certain amount of resistance. Road blocks that could potentially deter me. The success is so much sweeter when it doesn’t come easily. When you’ve had to overcome obstacles to get there. 

A friend of mine said “take the first step. Only then will the second step appear”.  I really believe that to be true. Sometimes Im stuck on wanting to see all of the steps in the puzzle, but you have to have faith that it will all come together in the end. It’s all about that one step at a time. That’s all you can do. Even if you know the next 20 steps, you still have to take them one at a time. 

I hope you will pursue your dreams and reach for your destiny. Go ahead. Take a step!

Peace Love & Dreams Actualized

Emelle Q

10 Steps Behind

For a long time when I struggled with severe mental illness, I felt like I was 10 steps behind other people that didn’t have the same challenges as me. I spent years unable to function, completely isolated from people, socially anxious, in and out of episodes and hospitals, and struggling with negativity and self-hate.   I was unable to work for a number of years and had no career like most other people my age. People were in long term relationships, getting married and having children and had years of working in their careers under their belt… me zero. Their lives seemed to be amazing from the outside looking in and I was genuinely happy for them. But it also depressed me that I was not thriving, happy or successful. My life seemed to be a mess. I felt trapped in the aftermath of mental illness. 

What I didn’t appreciate or give myself credit for, is that during this time (and 10 years in therapy), I was working on me. Combing through some serious issue surrounding trauma, mental illness and self-hate. I realize now that it was a blessing that I had the space, time and support to deal with those things. Volunteered, went back to school and slowly started to reclaim my life. I got pieces of myself back bit by bit and found new strength  that I never knew existed! 

It’s cliché, but I am so much stronger as a result of everything I’ve fought my way back from. I have a career that I’m proud of working in the mental health field. I’m good at it and proud of it. I get to help people everyday which has been something Ive always loved doing. It was instilled in me by my grandmother who was a nurse. I’m proud to be able to honour her in that way. 

I had a full circle moment yesterday. I went to a studio for a photoshoot. My first one in almost 20 years. The pictures will be used for my website and promotional materials.. for my business! maiLIFE! It’s been an idea I’ve had in my head for so long and now it’s real! maiLIFE is a word I created when I was unwell and now other people are making reference to it. Using it. It’s a real thing! They’re excited to hear what it’s all about. Here I was standing chatting with a group of black business owners.. and it hit me! These are my peers! I too am a black business owner.  

It’s so interesting because so many of my friends and the people around me are where I am now. Starting their own business (or having recently started them). They’re at the same stage I am.  

I no longer feel like I’m 10 steps behind because I’m not. I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. A 9-5 that I love. Creating a business that I love. Love from amazing friends and family. Self-love like I’ve never known before. Life is amazing. So blessed and incredibly grateful. 

Peace Love & Dreams Actualized

Emelle Q