I’m so torn right now. On the one hand I feel positive, hopeful, joyful, excited. I found the most amazing business opportunity that is the answer to many very specific prayers that I’ve made over my lifetime. On the other hand, I feel a little disappointed because the timing of this opportunity is not right.
My current job, in mental health, is very rewarding. I have an amazing manager who believes in me and is so supportive not to mention hilarious. He encourages me and really listens and tries to understand when I’m having challenges with my mental health. I have an amazing team made up of some really wonderful people that are extremely passionate about helping the clients that we serve. The benefits are good. Vacation is good. We have access to a lot of sick days. I believe in what the agency stands for. The problem.. The team I’m on, the way it’s structured, is very stressful. I feel so drained most of the time and have very little left to give at the end of the day. It’s very difficult to find the energy to work on projects, take a course, start a business, maintain a social life and strengthen relationships with family and friends, with the amount of stress from this position. Some of my married coworkers say they’re so drained at the end of the day that they don’t have the energy to play with their children or engage with their spouses. Maybe that’s ok with them but that’s completely unacceptable for me. The job is slowly, and literally, making me sick and tired. I’ve been battling depression and anxiety for a long time with this position. Initially I referred to it as “burnout” but was later told it’s depression and anxiety.
I learned of an amazing business certification program that not only will teach me a very valuable skill, but it will teach me how to successfully structure my business. Initially I thought the cost of the program would be what would deter me. The more I thought about it I realized that the timing was really the issue. Having my current job, planning a wedding and trying to do this business at the same time is just a recipe for disaster. I’ve tried to take on too much in the past and failed miserably!
So yes a program and certification program so perfectly suited for me is likely one that will only come around once in a lifetime. It encourages many of the values that I find important and hold dear. It will allow me to do the work I’m passionate about.. helping people. It will help build on what I already know. It has a proven track record. It has skilled and successful people that will mentor me. People that have already done what I am striving to achieve. People that can take me by the hand and lead the way. A system that could potentially be the mechanism for change I need to transform my life and lead me to financial and spiritual freedom.
I had to say no for right now because I really need to create more balance in my life.. especially work-life balance. I really need to get a job on a different team that has a different model. One that will foster more independence for me. One that will give me more autonomy and control over my work day. A team where I can have lengthier and more meaningful visits with clients. Where I can really get to know them, build more rapport and get a true sense of who they are and what their needs are.. so I can be more effective in helping them. Seems rather obvious no?
In the meantime what am I going to do to achieve my goals? Everyday I’m going to envision myself living the life I want. I’m very good at visualization.. Have been ever since I was a child. I have 2 vision boards and I will look at them daily. I have written a statement that I will read out loud everyday, twice a day, so that hopefully it will also filter into my subconscious.
Im bound and determined! Once I put my mind to something there’s no stopping me. So my saying no to it right now is not the end of my dream, it’s simply delayed. I’ve learned from another major thing in my life that sometimes a delay in something I really want, can end up so much sweeter in the end. When I mentioned what I would do to achieve my goals I probably should have started with prayer 🙂 God is at the centre of my life but I probably shouldn’t have assumed that you knew I would do that.
Have a wonderful week. Try to make positive change in the world people!