This Easter has a much deeper meaning for me this year. I have a much deeper relationship with Jesus now. This is the first time God has been THE central part of my life. After really accepting Him in my life, submitting my heart to Him, making a consistent commitment to talk with and praying to Him daily, read His word, not making any decisions without Him, my life has changed dramatically.
I had trauma issues and PTSD and God completely healed my heart and my mind. No more nightmares, depression, flashbacks or intrusive thoughts/memories. No more anger, unforgiveness, bitterness, hurt, pain, torment, shame, guilt or self-blame. He cleared out all the junk that I had tried so long and hard to get rid of. What 11 years of therapy couldn’t do, God changed in an instant.. with one touch.
Now I feel like I’m living in the freedom that God intended for me. I have this joy in my heart that I never had before. I was happy at times, but never this joy. He has given me some phenomenal experiences and an amazing relationship. He has set up some wonderful opportunities for me this year and I am so grateful, humbled and excited.
So on this days when I really think about the way Jesus suffered so that I could be free!! I just think, he died for me, so I’m choosing to live for Him! Praise God.
He is risen.
What an amazing place to be! To walk through life filled with self-love is a phenomenal and awesome place to be.
I’ve struggled with self-hate for almost 30 years. Almost 30 years with this horrible and sometimes nasty negative voice inside my head criticizing everything I do.. everything that I am. Telling me why I would never and could never accomplish the things I wanted to achieve. I tried to be good at things so I would like myself (track, music, art, university, being a good friend)but I hated myself even more.
The self hate stemmed from having been a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I internalized things my abuser had told me. I didn’t remember the things he told me to make me believe it was my fault.. until recently. His words became my own words in my head. Tremendous guilt, shame and self-hate because I believed it was my fault. It’s like I had been given poison by my abusers. Even though they were no longer in my life, I continued to drink the poison. Filled with toxic, painful and destructive thoughts/feelings. I felt like my soul was tormented.
After years of work and a decade of therapy I truly love myself! It feels so much lighter navigating through life without carrying 200 extra lbs of emotional baggage. I’m free from the persistent and nagging negative thoughts that used to cling to me like an unwanted intruder.
Thoughts are incredibly powerful and just because you have a thought in your head about yourself, does not necessarily make it true! Be aware of your thoughts because they affect how you experience life.
I made the decision 20 years ago that I would make pursuing self-love my mission.. my passion. A very long time but well worth it! I feel like the first chapter of my life has closed and now the new chapter has begun. I’m so excited to see what life has in store for me.
If you’re in a place where you don’t love yourself. Acknowledge it. Fight to change it. You truly are worth it. You’re worth fighting for. It will change your life!
Peace Love & Dreams Actualized