Free

I feel so free! The reason for this is due to changes in my work life and a relationship.

Finally I have a good combination and balance between my job and business. However long it takes for me to be in a position to leave my day job and focus on my business full time.. I’m ok with that.

I feel like life is all about becoming your best self so that you can have a positive impact on the world. I’m proud of myself because that’s definitely what I’ve tried to do. I help people everyday in my day job and I will help even more with my business as a life coach.

I’m feeling so proud of myself as I approach my 40th bday. For a long time I felt like I was far behind people that didn’t struggle with mental illness. Other friends had careers and marriages and I always felt like I was lagging behind. As I wrote my bio for my business I realize I’ve been working in the field of mental health for over 10 years! Where has the time gone? I have a career!

I mentioned feeling free in the beginning. A reason for that is I was recently engaged and decided to end that relationship. I just realized I was making far too many sacrifices and it would eventually have smothered me. What’s worse is that I was allowing myself to be smothered and was preparing myself to ignore all of my dreams to let him shine. Well I’m super grateful I realized all of this when I did as opposed to 10 years into the marriage! so proud of myself for choosing me. This is my time to shine!

Get people and things that are not contributing to your greater good out of your life. Make whatever changes you need to make so that you can shine. Don’t let anyone dim your light.

Have a lovely week,

Emelle Q

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Opportunity of a Lifetime

I’m so torn right now. On the one hand I feel positive, hopeful, joyful, excited. I found the most amazing business opportunity that is the answer to many very specific prayers that I’ve made over my lifetime. On the other hand, I feel a little disappointed because the timing of this opportunity is not right.

My current job, in mental health, is very rewarding. I have an amazing manager who believes in me and is so supportive not to mention hilarious. He encourages me and really listens and tries to understand when I’m having challenges with my mental health. I have an amazing team made up of some really wonderful people that are extremely passionate about helping the clients that we serve. The benefits are good. Vacation is good. We have access to a lot of sick days. I believe in what the agency stands for. The problem.. The team I’m on, the way it’s structured, is very stressful. I feel so drained most of the time and have very little left to give at the end of the day. It’s very difficult to find the energy to work on projects, take a course, start a business, maintain a social life and strengthen relationships with family and friends, with the amount of stress from this position. Some of my married coworkers say they’re so drained at the end of the day that they don’t have the energy to play with their children or engage with their spouses. Maybe that’s ok with them but that’s completely unacceptable for me. The job is slowly, and literally, making me sick and tired. I’ve been battling depression and anxiety for a long time with this position. Initially I referred to it as “burnout” but was later told it’s depression and anxiety.

I learned of an amazing business certification program that not only will teach me a very valuable skill, but it will teach me how to successfully structure my business. Initially I thought the cost of the program would be what would deter me. The more I thought about it I realized that the timing was really the issue. Having my current job, planning a wedding and trying to do this business at the same time is just a recipe for disaster. I’ve tried to take on too much in the past and failed miserably!

So yes a program and certification program so perfectly suited for me is likely one that will only come around once in a lifetime. It encourages many of the values that I find important and hold dear. It will allow me to do the work I’m passionate about.. helping people. It will help build on what I already know. It has a proven track record. It has skilled and successful people that will mentor me. People that have already done what I am striving to achieve. People that can take me by the hand and lead the way. A system that could potentially be the mechanism for change I need to transform my life and lead me to financial and spiritual freedom.

I had to say no for right now because I really need to create more balance in my life.. especially work-life balance. I really need to get a job on a different team that has a different model. One that will foster more independence for me. One that will give me more autonomy and control over my work day. A team where I can have lengthier and more meaningful visits with clients. Where I can really get to know them, build more rapport and get a true sense of who they are and what their needs are.. so I can be more effective in helping them. Seems rather obvious no?

In the meantime what am I going to do to achieve my goals? Everyday I’m going to envision myself living the life I want. I’m very good at visualization.. Have been ever since I was a child. I have 2 vision boards and I will look at them daily. I have written a statement that I will read out loud everyday, twice a day, so that hopefully it will also filter into my subconscious.

Im bound and determined! Once I put my mind to something there’s no stopping me. So my saying no to it right now is not the end of my dream, it’s simply delayed. I’ve learned from another major thing in my life that sometimes a delay in something I really want, can end up so much sweeter in the end. When I mentioned what I would do to achieve my goals I probably should have started with prayer 🙂 God is at the centre of my life but I probably shouldn’t have assumed that you knew I would do that.

Have a wonderful week. Try to make positive change in the world people!

Many blessings,

Emelle Q

Hold Hope

I do a lot of things to stay balanced and well. So I place a lot of importance on my inner circle. These are close family members and friends. I believe that friends are the family we choose, so everyone in my inner circle I consider family, even if we are not biologically related. Everyone in my inner circle has proven to be incredibly loyal and they’ve stuck by me through the good and the bad. The highs and the lows. Seeing as I have bipolar disorder, there have definitely been a lot of highs and lows.

One thing that has been amazing and moving from my inner circle, was from 3 very special ladies. My mum (aka my best friend) and her two sisters. I while ago I heard this concept of people holding hope for other people, until hey could hold it themselves. There was a time when I was severely unwell with bipolar disorder. I couldn’t function, was almost non-verbal (which is shocking if you know me), I was unable to work, go to school or do much of anything. I felt horrible about my inability to function and participate in the world. I didn’t think I would ever work, be a contributing member of society, or be independent again. These 3 ladies gave me very consistent messaging to the contrary. Each of them told me repeatedly, in their own way, that I’m not well right now and I’m recovering… But once I’m well I will be successful and there would be no stoping me. I didn’t believe them at the time, but at the same time I respected the fact that they were all very intelligent women and maybe they knew something that I didn’t. Maybe they could see something in me that I couldn’t. They turned out to be absolutely right.

Do you have people in your life that hold hope for you when you can’t hold it yourself? People that believe in you even when you don’t believe in yourself? Hold onto those people. I recently held a thank you dinner for those 3 lovely ladies to thank them for all of their love, encouragement and support. They were so very appreciative. So many times we think lovely things about people but we don’t tell them. I’ve been making an effort to tell people how I feel about them.

Hold hope for someone.

Peace & Blessings,

Emelle Q

10 Steps Behind

For a long time when I struggled with severe mental illness, I felt like I was 10 steps behind other people that didn’t have the same challenges as me. I spent years unable to function, completely isolated from people, socially anxious, in and out of episodes and hospitals, and struggling with negativity and self-hate.   I was unable to work for a number of years and had no career like most other people my age. People were in long term relationships, getting married and having children and had years of working in their careers under their belt… me zero. Their lives seemed to be amazing from the outside looking in and I was genuinely happy for them. But it also depressed me that I was not thriving, happy or successful. My life seemed to be a mess. I felt trapped in the aftermath of mental illness. 

What I didn’t appreciate or give myself credit for, is that during this time (and 10 years in therapy), I was working on me. Combing through some serious issue surrounding trauma, mental illness and self-hate. I realize now that it was a blessing that I had the space, time and support to deal with those things. Volunteered, went back to school and slowly started to reclaim my life. I got pieces of myself back bit by bit and found new strength  that I never knew existed! 

It’s cliché, but I am so much stronger as a result of everything I’ve fought my way back from. I have a career that I’m proud of working in the mental health field. I’m good at it and proud of it. I get to help people everyday which has been something Ive always loved doing. It was instilled in me by my grandmother who was a nurse. I’m proud to be able to honour her in that way. 

I had a full circle moment yesterday. I went to a studio for a photoshoot. My first one in almost 20 years. The pictures will be used for my website and promotional materials.. for my business! maiLIFE! It’s been an idea I’ve had in my head for so long and now it’s real! maiLIFE is a word I created when I was unwell and now other people are making reference to it. Using it. It’s a real thing! They’re excited to hear what it’s all about. Here I was standing chatting with a group of black business owners.. and it hit me! These are my peers! I too am a black business owner.  

It’s so interesting because so many of my friends and the people around me are where I am now. Starting their own business (or having recently started them). They’re at the same stage I am.  

I no longer feel like I’m 10 steps behind because I’m not. I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. A 9-5 that I love. Creating a business that I love. Love from amazing friends and family. Self-love like I’ve never known before. Life is amazing. So blessed and incredibly grateful. 

Peace Love & Dreams Actualized

Emelle Q