Hold Hope

I do a lot of things to stay balanced and well. So I place a lot of importance on my inner circle. These are close family members and friends. I believe that friends are the family we choose, so everyone in my inner circle I consider family, even if we are not biologically related. Everyone in my inner circle has proven to be incredibly loyal and they’ve stuck by me through the good and the bad. The highs and the lows. Seeing as I have bipolar disorder, there have definitely been a lot of highs and lows.

One thing that has been amazing and moving from my inner circle, was from 3 very special ladies. My mum (aka my best friend) and her two sisters. I while ago I heard this concept of people holding hope for other people, until hey could hold it themselves. There was a time when I was severely unwell with bipolar disorder. I couldn’t function, was almost non-verbal (which is shocking if you know me), I was unable to work, go to school or do much of anything. I felt horrible about my inability to function and participate in the world. I didn’t think I would ever work, be a contributing member of society, or be independent again. These 3 ladies gave me very consistent messaging to the contrary. Each of them told me repeatedly, in their own way, that I’m not well right now and I’m recovering… But once I’m well I will be successful and there would be no stoping me. I didn’t believe them at the time, but at the same time I respected the fact that they were all very intelligent women and maybe they knew something that I didn’t. Maybe they could see something in me that I couldn’t. They turned out to be absolutely right.

Do you have people in your life that hold hope for you when you can’t hold it yourself? People that believe in you even when you don’t believe in yourself? Hold onto those people. I recently held a thank you dinner for those 3 lovely ladies to thank them for all of their love, encouragement and support. They were so very appreciative. So many times we think lovely things about people but we don’t tell them. I’ve been making an effort to tell people how I feel about them.

Hold hope for someone.

Peace & Blessings,

Maïsha

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Self-Love

What an amazing place to be! To walk through life filled with self-love is a phenomenal and awesome place to be. 

I’ve struggled with self-hate for almost 30 years. Almost 30 years with this horrible and sometimes nasty negative voice inside my head criticizing everything I do.. everything that I am. Telling me why I would never and could never accomplish the things I wanted to achieve. I tried to be good at things so I would like myself (track, music, art, university, being a good friend)but I hated myself even more. 

The self hate stemmed from having been a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I internalized things my abuser had told  me. I didn’t remember the things he told me to make me believe it was my fault.. until recently. His words became my own words in my head. Tremendous guilt, shame and self-hate because I believed it was my fault. It’s like I had been given poison by my abusers. Even though they were no longer in my life, I continued to drink the poison. Filled with toxic, painful and destructive thoughts/feelings. I felt like my soul was tormented. 

After years of work and a decade of therapy I truly love myself! It feels so much lighter navigating through life without carrying 200 extra lbs of emotional baggage. I’m free from the persistent and nagging negative thoughts that used to cling to me like an unwanted intruder. 

Thoughts are incredibly powerful and just because you have a thought in your head about yourself, does not necessarily make it true! Be aware of your thoughts because they affect how you experience life. 

I made the decision 20 years ago that I would make pursuing self-love my mission.. my passion. A very long time but well worth it! I feel like the first chapter of my life has closed and now the new chapter has begun. I’m so excited to see what life has in store for me.  

If you’re in a place where you don’t love yourself. Acknowledge it. Fight to change it. You truly are worth it. You’re worth fighting for. It will change your life!

Peace Love & Dreams Actualized

Maïsha