Well it’s been rough in some ways for the last year. Struggling with anxiety and depression without realizing that’s what it was. I just kept referring to it as “burnout”.. work related stress that I felt I had no control over. This episode was different than the others.
Went on a new medication that worked wonders! That, and I had some people praying for me. I finally recognize myself again! I’d become a stranger to myself. I was negative, had no hope, drained, exhausted, numb. I had a lot of emotional pain but was unable to cry. Even simple tasks took a Herculean effort to complete. I had a significant decrease in my level of focus and concentration. I was just overwhelmed by life.
Thank God I’ve made it to the other side. Everything is temporary. Now I have so much hope! My connection with God is much stronger. I can hear him again. I’m back on my path. I know this, because there is so much synchronicity taking place in my life. I have a burning desire for my life’s purpose. I have renewed confidence, clarity and this sense of peace that I’ve never felt before.. Peace and joy. I am so grateful for my life and everything that God has allowed me to do. I am so incredibly blessed and highly favoured. I’m understanding this on a much deeper level now.
Each day I wake up excited to see what will unfold.. what wisdom I will receive.
Have a wonderful week!
Well it’s the last day of the year! Tomorrow is a time for new beginnings! I’m a fan of starting things on the first of the week, month etc. So being able to put some new things in place (and continue some old things) on the first of the year is big to me.
I’m definitely focussing a lot on positivity this year. Making sure that I keep a positive mindset and that I surround myself with positive, warm, loving, encouraging and supportive people. Making sure I remain positive is key because that affects how I see the world and operate in it. It affects how I experience things and the decisions that I make.
Since the beginning of 2017 I recognized that the first chapter of my life was ending and a new one was beginning. One where I would not be struggling with the same kind of pain as in the past. That has totally proven to be true. I have a new relationship with God and I have never truly put Him at the centre of my life as I am now. That has led to a lot of positive and even miraculous changes in my life. Some of which I will speak more about in the future 🙂
More reading, watching informative videos and soaking up knowledge are some things I want to focus on. Exercising consistently and paying better attention to my diet. One of my goals is to not drink any pop for all of 2018. For those of you who know me, you know that this is an addiction of mine so it will take a lot of determination and focus. Making time each morning (very early each morning!) to have time with God in prayer has definitely proven to be a very positive and powerful thing in my life and I plan to continue doing that. Also just to continue to love and give freely. That is a huge part of who I am, but a part that I’ve often felt I needed to hold back on because of the state of the world.. being taken advantage of etc. Someone told me that in that area we really need to rely on God to direct us. I will do that.
So I hope whoever is reading this has a wonderful 2018! That you make some positive changes and keep that forward momentum going. That you forgive yourself for the goals you may not have attained in 2017. I hope you have learned some lessons throughout the year. I hope your year is filled with love, hope, faith, happiness, joy, good health and fun. Be kind to one another. Love one another. You never know what load someone else might be carrying and how much a kind word or warm smile might greatly impact them. Smiles cost you nothing.
All the best in 2018!!
Emelle Q 🙂
For a long time when I struggled with severe mental illness, I felt like I was 10 steps behind other people that didn’t have the same challenges as me. I spent years unable to function, completely isolated from people, socially anxious, in and out of episodes and hospitals, and struggling with negativity and self-hate. I was unable to work for a number of years and had no career like most other people my age. People were in long term relationships, getting married and having children and had years of working in their careers under their belt… me zero. Their lives seemed to be amazing from the outside looking in and I was genuinely happy for them. But it also depressed me that I was not thriving, happy or successful. My life seemed to be a mess. I felt trapped in the aftermath of mental illness.
What I didn’t appreciate or give myself credit for, is that during this time (and 10 years in therapy), I was working on me. Combing through some serious issue surrounding trauma, mental illness and self-hate. I realize now that it was a blessing that I had the space, time and support to deal with those things. Volunteered, went back to school and slowly started to reclaim my life. I got pieces of myself back bit by bit and found new strength that I never knew existed!
It’s cliché, but I am so much stronger as a result of everything I’ve fought my way back from. I have a career that I’m proud of working in the mental health field. I’m good at it and proud of it. I get to help people everyday which has been something Ive always loved doing. It was instilled in me by my grandmother who was a nurse. I’m proud to be able to honour her in that way.
I had a full circle moment yesterday. I went to a studio for a photoshoot. My first one in almost 20 years. The pictures will be used for my website and promotional materials.. for my business! maiLIFE! It’s been an idea I’ve had in my head for so long and now it’s real! maiLIFE is a word I created when I was unwell and now other people are making reference to it. Using it. It’s a real thing! They’re excited to hear what it’s all about. Here I was standing chatting with a group of black business owners.. and it hit me! These are my peers! I too am a black business owner.
It’s so interesting because so many of my friends and the people around me are where I am now. Starting their own business (or having recently started them). They’re at the same stage I am.
I no longer feel like I’m 10 steps behind because I’m not. I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. A 9-5 that I love. Creating a business that I love. Love from amazing friends and family. Self-love like I’ve never known before. Life is amazing. So blessed and incredibly grateful.
Peace Love & Dreams Actualized